Well, as you can see I haven't written in a while. I got off track. I'm not sure what sidelines me all the time in everything I do, weight loss, marriage, friendships, etc... It always seems like there is something there to distract, stress or deter me.
I also have a confession to make. I haven't been a great wife lately. I've been pretty crappy. But, I've felt pretty crappy. My son has been sick - getting over the cold now - and it's caused some sleepless nights. No sleep make me testy! No sleep makes me angry. I don't know why it's so easy to be angry/upset/etc... I told Jordan the other day, "I don't know what has me in a bad mood, but sometimes, being happy just takes too much work." I want to be happy for our marriage, ourselves and my son, but sometimes life stresses just seem like a lot to handle.
I think that my marriage is "special". I know everyone's marriages are special! But I think mine has more "struggles" than some as well. My husband has an acquired brain injury which leads to a whole myriad of disabilities. Dating did not prepare me for this. Our first years of marriage have not been easy in the slightest. Our first years of marriage have been down-right difficult. I won't get into details, but it's definitely taken a HUGE adjustment on my part - One that I did not come to easily. I am stubborn. I kept trying to convince myself that he'd change, he'd learn, he'd grow. I was blaming it all on him because he's got the "difficulty". I'm doing it right, because "I'm normal"...right??
Well I had this ALL wrong! I was doing it wrong, I wasn't being nice, I wasn't being open, I wasn't being forgiving. I'm not sure I truly know how to yet, but I'm trying. I try and then I get side-tracked by crappy days and I feel like I'm starting all at square 1. It's tough. Sometimes I just wish it were easy...but then...what's easy?
So sometimes I feel like I'm just doing this wrong. There's no manual for marriage, and especially for marriage with someone who has a Brain Injury. But, I have recently discovered someone in my church - her husband has an Acquired Brain Injury as well. They are in the same programs as we are. We had a very short, brief chat at church today that was TOTALLY uplifting! It was just a short chat, but in that short time I learned...I'm not ALONE!!! She was saying things that I was feeling/dealing with. Oh, that was a relief!! Not to say this will solve everything, but it is so nice to have someone understand what it's like to be in a "struggling" marriage. It'll be nice to hear how they survived/dealt with/understood their own difficulties.
I love talking with friends, I will listen to friends advice, but sometimes friends just don't understand my full situation. They can give advice, but it's not always applicable. They don't have the manual for my marriage. So this is a "relief" to hear from someone in my situation. Oh is it a relief! I also hope that I can be of a help to her, show her she is not alone, that she has someone else who understands.
I know God has brought me to where I am for a reason. I know God has put people in my life for a reason. I pray that I am able to recognize that help, when I need to be of a help and let it change me for the better.
So anyways, that's my rant...I am going to read the next dare tomorrow and will attempt to get back on track. Just don't judge me when I go off track and take a little "vacation." I'll be back....I know I will :)
I also have a confession to make. I haven't been a great wife lately. I've been pretty crappy. But, I've felt pretty crappy. My son has been sick - getting over the cold now - and it's caused some sleepless nights. No sleep make me testy! No sleep makes me angry. I don't know why it's so easy to be angry/upset/etc... I told Jordan the other day, "I don't know what has me in a bad mood, but sometimes, being happy just takes too much work." I want to be happy for our marriage, ourselves and my son, but sometimes life stresses just seem like a lot to handle.
I think that my marriage is "special". I know everyone's marriages are special! But I think mine has more "struggles" than some as well. My husband has an acquired brain injury which leads to a whole myriad of disabilities. Dating did not prepare me for this. Our first years of marriage have not been easy in the slightest. Our first years of marriage have been down-right difficult. I won't get into details, but it's definitely taken a HUGE adjustment on my part - One that I did not come to easily. I am stubborn. I kept trying to convince myself that he'd change, he'd learn, he'd grow. I was blaming it all on him because he's got the "difficulty". I'm doing it right, because "I'm normal"...right??
Well I had this ALL wrong! I was doing it wrong, I wasn't being nice, I wasn't being open, I wasn't being forgiving. I'm not sure I truly know how to yet, but I'm trying. I try and then I get side-tracked by crappy days and I feel like I'm starting all at square 1. It's tough. Sometimes I just wish it were easy...but then...what's easy?
So sometimes I feel like I'm just doing this wrong. There's no manual for marriage, and especially for marriage with someone who has a Brain Injury. But, I have recently discovered someone in my church - her husband has an Acquired Brain Injury as well. They are in the same programs as we are. We had a very short, brief chat at church today that was TOTALLY uplifting! It was just a short chat, but in that short time I learned...I'm not ALONE!!! She was saying things that I was feeling/dealing with. Oh, that was a relief!! Not to say this will solve everything, but it is so nice to have someone understand what it's like to be in a "struggling" marriage. It'll be nice to hear how they survived/dealt with/understood their own difficulties.
I love talking with friends, I will listen to friends advice, but sometimes friends just don't understand my full situation. They can give advice, but it's not always applicable. They don't have the manual for my marriage. So this is a "relief" to hear from someone in my situation. Oh is it a relief! I also hope that I can be of a help to her, show her she is not alone, that she has someone else who understands.
I know God has brought me to where I am for a reason. I know God has put people in my life for a reason. I pray that I am able to recognize that help, when I need to be of a help and let it change me for the better.
So anyways, that's my rant...I am going to read the next dare tomorrow and will attempt to get back on track. Just don't judge me when I go off track and take a little "vacation." I'll be back....I know I will :)
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